I was hoping today would be better

Needless to say, today is a lot worse than yesterday. I need to just take one look at my friends and decide whether or not they are really worth being considered a "friend" versus an "acquaintence." I don't know why everything has to go wrong around my birthday. How do you think that makes me feel? It makes me feel terrible. I had this countdown going, and EVERYTHING that was on my countdown went wrong. Okay it was only two things. We'll see if the last thing goes wrong. I am supposed to go to this grad party on my birthday, but I don't even want to go. I don't want to be around the people that are making me feel this way. The sad thing is, it is starting to happen at church to. I am being left out of everything. Everytime the youth group or whatever would go to Culvers or DQ after church, I was never asked. Yesterday, my buddy Emily, who has only gone to EDBC since October told me that she wasn't going to go to church last night because she had to pack. She left for New York today. Anyways, she told me that Saul needed a girl to go on visitation with him, Brady, and Chacho. I could have gone, but I didn't find out until last minute. That isn't the point though. The point is that they didn't even ask me to go. I have been going to that church since I was 11. I have been a member of the youth group since I was in 8th grade, and now I am being left out. I don't know if things will change come September when we switch. I don't know, but it feels like I don't even want to be a member of the youth group anymore. I really do. Don't get me wrong. I love my church and youth group, but I hate being left out feeling like I don't belong. Maybe I don't belong, and if that is the case, then I need to do something about it. What should I do? Should I go get some "real friends" who won't turn on me? Should I stop going to youth group and Sunday school? Should I just do nothing but lay in bed all day and be a loner? What do I do? I don't want any of these things to happen, but it seems like this is the way it is going to be. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and my youth group, but I don't think they love me back, or at least not the way I love them. I would love to just go back to Elementary School, where it wasn't a big deal if you had lots of friends. What am I going to do next year? Will things get better for me? All of my friends will be off at school, and I won't be. I will be here. I hope things get better once I start Maranatha, because I really can't go on like this. I am very thankful for the few close friends that I do have. I love you guys so much and I would do almost anything for you. *Sarah, now would be a good time for you to be here with me, but you are in a better place. I miss you so much, and I will come visit you in about two weeks. I love you. Rest in peace*